What is emotional unavailability?
Emotional unavailability is simply emotional detachment. It is used to describe someone who is unable to emotionally connect with others. Unfortunately, being emotionally unavailable is quite a common trait among adults
Am I emotionally unavailable?
Emotional unavailability can manifest itself in various forms and can be different in people but at the center of it all is being closed off and unwilling to build deep emotional connections with people. These questions can help provide some insight into whether you are emotionally unavailable or not.
- Do you generally avoid conversations that will require you to speak about your feelings and discuss them?
- Do you hide your true feeling about a situation because you may need to explain them to your partner?
- Do you avoid conversations that will lead to labeling a relationship or conversations that will lead to exclusivity?
- Are you attracted to people that seem to be far away or unavailable themselves?
- Do you ghost people instead of having conversations about how their actions or words hurt you?
- Do you dread making plans with a significant other and could potentially cancel at the last minute?
- Do you find it difficult to trust others?
- Are you overly critical of your partners actions or words?
If your answer is yes to most of these questions, I hate to break it to you, but you are emotionally unavailable
Is this even really a bad thing?
YES! Yes, it is! You are not a bad person, but the results of your actions may hurt others and have you stuck without emotional growth. People who are emotionally unavailable find it difficult to build deep and strong bonds in relationships because they are emotionally closed off. This can lead to difficulty starting a relationship with others or maintaining stability in a relationship.
What You Can Do For Being Emotionally Available
The first step to take is to figure out the source of your emotional unavailability. This is different for everyone. Your emotional unavailability may be a response to childhood trauma, traumatic experiences as an adult, past toxic and unhealthy relationships, or simply just choosing to be a closed book
Next, you can practice opening up. It may not be easy opening up to others at first, but you can start by understanding yourself and what you are feeling. You can do this by writing in a journal or even just recording a voice note if journaling is not your thing.
You can spend as much time as you want doing this until you feel comfortable enough
involving a close person.
You can begin talking to people who are in your life such as family members or significant others about your emotions and feelings. If you are still unable to do this, you can speak with a professional about emotional unavailability.
Your emotional presence is very important in relationships as it brings all parties involved closer, builds understanding and strengthens bonds. It is also important in one’s personal life as it also aids in personal growth. You can choose to be emotionally available and fully commit to the journey regardless of how difficult it may be.